Friday, May 22, 2009

Time and Time Again.

I’d like to be able to leave an entry on my BLOG every day but one thing leads to another and I realize that there are some days where there isn’t enough time.  When my son was little (5-6 years old) he used to say that there was a CT in the past, present and future.  He believed that there were three parts to him living life in three distinct realities.  He would explain to us that a part of him self was actually dashing towards the future and that if somehow he (in the present) changed his mind on what he wanted to do tomorrow, he had to run after this CT (in the future) to stop him before he lived through the next 24hours.  We would giggle at his understanding of time; but at the same time understood quite vividly the impressions that he was describing. 

Later on CT (10-13year old) would tell us that when he was happy and full time would move faster.  He would explain to his sister who often had bad days in school that it was a simple matter of controlling personal moods.

            “Think of something you really, really like” he’d say believing wholeheartedly in what he was saying, “and stick to it without ever letting anything else interrupt your day dreaming; and school will fly by…”

            CT spent most of his high school years dreaming that he would one day become a musician.  On his graduation day he told both my husband and I: “I don’t really care much about celebrating the last five years because my mind and soul was not involved in that experience but completely committed to what will come in the next 2 decades.” 

My husband and I basically shook our heads and replied: “OK – we know you’re all about back into the future but do us the favor to celebrate at least your human development with your parents.”  CT smiled, got dressed up in a really nice suit, even got his hair done at the stylist, and did a great job making it all look like he was enjoying every minute of it.  You have to love the kid for knowing how to fill time up with meaningful thoughts and choices.  There isn’t a day that goes by where CT hasn’t thought out his day in such a way as to make it memorable.  One night during supper he told the family: “I remember every single day of my life because I’m the one who’s writing this story.”

For me – that makes a lot of sense and I can see ME in my son.

            His sister was never able to master the skill of time management but then, her perception is directed elsewhere.  Everyone has his or her strong and weak points.  As for CT, he always dabbled with the idea of time and eventually became a really good drummer who used “time” as a daily ability.  Whenever we get a chance to talk to CT (19-20years old) now, he still speaks about his perception of time in a way that is both humorous and inspiring.  Recently he explained to me that “time is what we make of it.  It’s not real and it’s not limiting even though people like to fall back on this popular excuse.”  What I like about CT’s comprehension of time is that he doesn’t let time be any kind of issue in his life.  At first my husband and I worried about this because eventually we do grow up  -- need employment, finish school, and handle responsibilities.  Time is an important factor whether or not we wish it wasn’t.  Still CT manages do to all of this and more. 


When I asked him how he manages to do so much in a day?

He answered: “Time is as short and as long as you want it.  It’s really all about choices.”  Still CT admits that there are days when the CT in the future is way ahead of himself and his stealing time away from CT in the present.  Or he says: “Some days I’ve got my head way too much in yesterday and I can’t seem to do anything at all. When that happens it’s because I’ve got emotions that I bottled up and forgot to sit with and figure out.  There’s a reason for everything.” 

Last week I told my husband that it helps to talk to our kids because eventually they pick up on what we shared and made it their own.  It’s nice to see how there’s always a new way to swirl around ideas and perspective. 

It’s nice.

CT says that when he’s overwhelmed because it does happen, he tugs a bit on the rope of time and then, eventually it comes back to balance.  I think that is true!  All this to say (I guess), that when I’m not writing on my blog, I’m out there living the experiences and the life lessons that will eventually get to this page; so one way or another I’m thinking about all of you.

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