Monday, July 13, 2009

Rambling with Sense

I have a few dozen questions and thoughts going through my mind all at once.  Are they somehow connected or did they pile up during the day as I dismissed them one by one because they were either to deep or too superficial; too intense or too ridiculous; or simply inappropriate?  It’s amazing isn’t it how everything we do in a lifetime deserves a judgment: A frown or applaud? 

Isn’t there any experience that we can call our own without having to keep secrets?


When my husband and I were married our parents categorically told us “we were too young.”  They were both so sure we would be divorced by our 7th year anniversary.  We are celebrating our 21st year anniversary this year and we’re still as happy as when we shared our vows. When I got pregnant, my mother told me that her pregnancies and labor were easy and thus, because I was her daughter mine would be too.  Unfortunately, I was bed ridden most of my pregnancies and gave birth to premature babies along with having emergency caesarians.  When we bought our first home; our first car; or went through key events in our family life – there was always someone there to tell us that we weren’t doing it right because it wasn’t like them.   It’s not that I don’t appreciate a good critic or advice but I have yet to understand how anyone can believe they can help others without sharing solutions or answers that apply to their circumstances.  


I’ve heard people actually compete for the worst disease or the most horrifying medical stories in hospital waiting rooms.   I’ve seen people get chewed apart because they parked their car in the handicap zone but could actually walk upright without a wheelchair or cane.  When people have to explain why they deserve the handicap-parking permit – we’ve gone a bit too far!!  Does a woman dealing with cancer have to show that she’s lost some hair to have her story acknowledged?  Or does a man on dialysis have to be plugged up on a machine to be respected as someone with chronic kidney disease? When we live in a World where we are judged from every angle and every day can we honestly believe that we are free; individuals living in a free world?


I’ve taught my children to be accountable for their choices and when faced with the judgment of others I taught them to create a blank spot in their minds or in their hearts where nobody else exist but them.  When teaching them how to get to this box I told them that they needed three keys.  If they could answer these three questions they could open the gate to their safe haven:


·      Have you done your best?

·      Have you learnt something?

·      And how are you making that learning work for you today?


I remember feeling insignificant in school because I was struggling in French and Math.  It didn’t matter how good I was in English and History – all I remembered was how the teacher praised the A students and humiliated the others.  It took over 25 years to understand that it didn’t matter what I failed to master as long as I didn’t fail to succeed in what I excelled in.  Today both my children are young adults and I see them still using the keys that lead to their inner peaceful and free world.  They don’t let anyone dictate to them their paths and I think that’s the secret to their starting success.  They’re not conventional and although it can sometimes be scary to be walking always in the unknown, they always seem full when it comes to adventure and to learning new things.


Someone recently asked me if it was difficult for my husband and I to make unconventional choices for our family?  For example I homeschooled the kids for the last three years of their elementary school, we went traveling across east Canada instead and learnt about different people and their cultures and traditions.  Whatever the kids showed interest in – we found ways to give them access to the knowledge and the experience.  No matter how crazy it looked!!  I remember living in suburban Greenfield Park and inviting a group of Cree traditional singers to come over for the day.  They ended up singing all afternoon around a mother drum on our front yard.  We certainly attracted attention then… J  All this to say that my answer to this woman’s question was: “It’s always difficult to go against the grain so to speak but it takes doing it once to realize that the secret to our own happiness lies in our courage and our strength to follow our hearts and our dreams.”  I’ve certainly never regretted doing things different. 


It’s sad and unfortunate that you have to loose friends and family to follow your heart.  I’ve always told my kids that “real love” is when people can share their opinion but not impose it.   Believe it or not there are countless ways to get to the same place.  We share common ground with people when we can accept that we share most of all -- differences.  Above and beyond my parent’s approval I’ve always wanted to be free and happy.  I only recently realized that freedom is when I can stand within myself and feel proud of what I accomplished and find enough courage to keep doing what calls me to be done not matter what people think.  

Like I’ve told my kids --- “give yourself the chance to grow, to change, to gain maturity, to learn and to seek new ground.  Live it all without pre-conceived judgment.  You can only truly understand life once you’ve given yourself the right to explore it.”  Sometimes in life getting to where we need to be means letting go of certain relationships, certain attitudes, certain bad habits etc….   But most of all, it means allowing yourself to listen to your inner voice and your inner dreams.  Find the keys that lead to freedom....

Don’t let anyone today or tomorrow cheat you of living life the way you’ve dreamt it to be.  


Wheelkeeper said...

Thank you for this posting Wapeyit, I couldn't sleep tonight, too many thoughts, choices and plans to make. I came online to get out of my own head, and got a distressing email.

Then I came here to your blog site, feeling that I would find some solace here and I did. Your 3 keys gave me just what I need to deal with something that is happening for me right now!

Your ramblings really do make sense!


Wapeyit Malsom said...

Glad I could help. I had a hard time sleeping too and that's what came out....... I guess we were somehow connected.


Wheelkeeper said...

I'm smiling out loud!

Violet Cougar said...

Rambling with sense, is exactly what it is, hehe.

I've recently stepped onto new ground, opening up parts of myself that have been closed for a very long time, although the door has been inching open slowly over the past year, very turtle-like.

A friend said to me recently, "Who are you? I don't know this person standing in front of me."

I'd been doing things "very unlike myself" one could say, but in my mind I was stepping into a dream, something I'd been forming and molding for quite a while. It wasn't new at all to me. It felt confortable, exciting, refreshing, invigorating, freeing.

I was proud to be the person my friend didn't recognize. She was just teasing me, accepting me as I am, regardless, but it got me really thinking about how I'm weaving my dreams into reality.

Great ramblings!


Prismslight said...

You say it with passion and trusting and not allowing judgement's or opinions that know nothing about this path dictate to me Is where I am at....Thank you :)

Wapeyit Malsom said...

Great comments.
Thank you for the feedback.
Definitely - one thing that I suggest above all is to do what calls you and not let yourself get distracted. We don't have that much time to find our way...