Thursday, April 5, 2012

Programming Change...

In the field of self-discovery, we often talk about how challenging it is to work through our psychological programs. There’s a great French book entitled “J’ai Mal à mes Ancêtres” by Patrice Van Eersen and Catherine Maillard. This book explores a fairly new concept called “psychogenealogy.” Basically, psychologists who study in this field believe we are affected by the “psychology of our ancestors”; hence their issues, their unresolved, their fears, their insecurities etc… Not unlike shamanic beliefs and the idea of “ancestral stories or past lives” psychogenealogy expresses that we are programmed through DNA. Obviously we are programmed by the people who are most directly connected to us; but this new psychological perspective seems to imply that DNA isn’t only about physiological inheritance.

Recently I was speaking with a few parents who had children between the age of two and 12 years old. One of the fathers mentioned how his children (two daughters between the age of 5 and 7 years old) had no sense of concentration.

“They can’t sit still for a minute,” he said showing some concern, “and I know they didn’t get this behaviour from me and my wife because we were great students.”

After a few jokes around the topic of “adultery”; trying to figure out where this man’s daughters could have possibly picked up the bad habit, this small circle of parents expressed a growing worry towards having one of their children or all of them diagnosed with A.D.D. There’s no doubt that in the last two decades the condition of “attention deficit” has grown in epidemic proportions. Is it something we are genetically transmitting to our children or is it connected to some obscure and unknown source?

I was pretty impressed this week when I read an article in the Montreal Gazette; which spoke of autism as a growing concern in our society. According to this article (I apologize for not keeping the journalist’s name in mind) autism could be transmitted by the father and could be related to mutations in the sperm. From a Shamanic point of view – everything about the process of Creation shows us that change and movement is absolutely crucial to the concept of LIFE. Amongst traditional or said “primitive” societies there’s an understanding that our Planet will go through 7 major changes before it dies. According to First Nation traditionalists we’re presently in the 5th phase of transformation and it only recently occurred. In other words, 2012 and the Mayan message was never understood as the “end of the World” for those people who are still living according to the Way of the Sacred Circle.

Where am I going with this?

There has been scientific evidence especially in the last 50 years; which shows that humanity didn’t evolve because God intentionally made a distinction between man, woman and animal. According to some research it was an infection (a bug); which brought forth mutations in the brain that allowed us to become the thinking, feeling and spirit aware creatures we are today. I have no doubt that along with Global warming, a growing over population and pollution as well as our unhealthy habits came new bugs or new infections; which introduced yet new mutations. Such mutations are attacking more and more each day – “the rainbow serpent” (DNA) that our ancestors went literally out of their way for a long time, to protect and preserve.

I find it incredibly fascinating how our ancestors protected and valued this “serpent” above and beyond anything else, when they didn’t have science to tell them exactly what it was and how important it was to the Way of Creation. I often wonder does knowledge encourage us to be more aware and more sacred towards our environment, ourselves and each other?

It’s amazing how even with the threat of over population and this HUGE question - “will we be able to feed all of these people on our Planet in 50 years from now? -- most people don’t even consider the idea of making the life choice of “not having babies.” Where in the 1970’s most families in Quebec were having 2 to 3 children per household, in the New Millennium most household have grown to 4 to 5 kids. It’s a fact: As soon as a young couple decides to marry or to embark in a long term relationship they also seem to commit to having children. Since my kids are now 21 and 22 years old; and part of a sufficiently large network of young people, I’ve recently decided to approach them with a series of crucial questions:

• Do you seek out a long term relationship?
• Does the divorce statistic worry you at all?
• And does a long term relationship imply children? If yes, how many?

Most young women (4 out of 5) will admit searching for a long term relationship. I noticed amongst the young people I interviewed that many of the young ladies are still attached to the fairy tale romance and the happily-ever-after idea. The young men may seem more practical; but at closer glance you notice it’s simply a question of maturity and insecurity. Deep down they too hope to find a companion to grow old with; but don’t know the first thing about making it happen. On all accounts, women and men answered they would like to be parents one day. I found it interesting nobody seemed to worry about over population. Most young people today don’t consider their actions as having a consequence on the future.

In the last 20 years, I’ve never been asked to give talks to parents of children between the age of birth and 12 years old. I’m always invited when parents are discouraged and kids are in chaos. For example, we have often been invited to speak to parents of teens who have committed suicide; to parents of teens who take drugs or vandalize other people’s property; to parents of teens who can’t control their violent nature or teens who are exhibiting “unusual behaviours” etc…. In other words, if I’m invited to give a workshop to a circle of parents it’s usually when parenthood skills have reached a limit.
I’ve often said: “I wish they would invite me earlier in childhood.”

Bullying has been a huge topic of interest in the last four years. School administration and teachers have put a lot of money, time and energy into creating campaigns and programs to discourage bullying and educate children against violence. Is it working? If we base our self on the media - NO! Everyone (stars, models, CEO’s of companies etc…) is coming out of the woodwork admitting they were bullied at some point in their life.

From a Shamanic perspective – it seems we are trying to program the children of today with all kinds of values and attitudes; but we are not recognizing how these children are already greatly influenced by genealogical programs. They are so much impacted that they are mutating… When I listen to the way people explore ancestral stories (past lives) I always see them stretching back in time a few 100 years at most. Nobody remembers being a Neanderthal; sleeping in trees; and hunting pre-historical animals. It seems our DNA gives us access to the stories we can best relate to; and give us access to messages; which inspire change.

When working with parents, I often encourage the parents to do some work before focusing on “their children.” I give them a basic overview of the Medicine Wheel in hope they will become interested in reading the whole manual (so to speak). The whole idea behind parenthood on the Medicine Wheel is that the Mother and the Father figures always lead the Way of the Sacred Circle; hence they are influences, they are role models, their Walk and their Talk is the foundation of the house they are building whether this house is a collective / family or an individual / son or daughter.

What are we teaching our kids? And even more importantly, what are we not teaching our kids?

After a while we have to stop harping on abuse, negative attitudes and behaviours, as well as vicious cycles. When I sit down and people and ask them: “What do you think you are doing wrong here?” They can explain their behaviours better than most professionals, psychological terms and all. Yet, ask them “what are you doing right?” and they’ll shrug. It makes no sense to have the kind of expectations towards our kids that we are not prepared to aspire to in our own lives.

Lately I find myself saying often: “Becoming a parent means you are ready to let go of being a child.” It’s unbelievable all of the programs; which pop out from such a simple statement. So many of us are romantically programmed when it comes to the idea of childhood. We don’t want to let it go because we think if we let go of childhood we are doomed to be boring adults with responsibilities as main focus and nothing else. People hang on to childhood and adolescence because all they see is bills, responsibilities, illness, suffering and death in adulthood and old age. What people don’t see is how so many of these perspectives are programs. Old patterns of thinking, feeling and living; which were handed down to us through genealogy and were never explored in order to resolve and ultimately change.

It is no use to program our children with new programs if we are not willing to look at the old ones and mutate them… If our physical reality is capable of mutating – it’s about time we got pro-active and took on a role in the Creation process. I believe I don’t have to give the gene of cancer, dementia, A.D.D etc… to the 7 generations to come, I can pass on other programs; which will best benefit our World; protect and value the “rainbow serpent” instead.

P.S. I realize this blog entry is about “perspective” more so than solutions. If you would like me to write more on this topic please share a little of your story. You can send it to me at if you don’t want your name mentioned. I would much prefer stating solutions to real issues – in hope they could benefit. Thank you again for reading.


Rose said...

I don't think we teach our kids to be themselves. We show them so many images on the media and then make them fit into different moulds. We plonk them in front of the TV and when we take them out of the house to go food shoping we won't let them run. if we can't work out what is truly important how can we show them what is important? We teach them to be uncomfortable in their own skins.

I think for todays parents to be, delaying having children is an important choice. If everyone has their 2.4 children as soon as they can population grows more than if people wait till their later 20s or beyond.

I like this concept of ancestral DNA carrying stories too, as well as our spirit having past lives. Maybe we choose our family on the basis of the DNA we will inherit as well?

Christy said...

"We don’t want to let it go because we think if we let go of childhood we are doomed to be boring adults with responsibilities as main focus and nothing else."

This comment hit home for me. My parents had me when they were 17. My mom told me that as soon as I was born Dad became middle-aged. A grumpy old fart. So true! He took being a parent way tooo seriously. I'm sure my mom did too, but she held it's manifesting in panic attacks now, now that her life has become peaceful and quiet and void of stress.

I'm 29 and still have a hard time imagining being a parent and am always amazed at what my parents were able to juggle. Maybe the pressure my parents put on themselves was passed down to me.

Michelle said...

My husband and I have had differing views on how we parent our 16 year old he had been experimenting with alcohol and peer pressures. I get worried and want to limit any freedom to our son and my hubby says look at what we did at his age he's doing better than us..he uses the what would you do T if you were the parent in our situation...I bring it back to we didnt have parents to guide us to do the right thing make the right the end I know I can not prevent him from drinking but I want to give him the ability to make a good choice for him in the moment My son has said he doesnt want children I at first thought this was sad but then I thought about the world and our 7 billion implode I think that it is a conscious choice we should be aware of of we affect the planet....My daughter H tells me she does not want to get married or have kids, I encourage her and think that this is a good choice based on the state of our two youngest daughters have that program already of being a mom having babies I have to be aware of what I put on my children. I had a program of wanting to be married and having children. I remember thinking for a brief time when I was 14 that I wanted to join the military never have kids but people thought I was wierd. I think we are programmed to think that one way is the best way when the wheel shows us 36 different prespectives and every choice we make has a different outcome I want to work on makeing the right choices according to what is needed to live in a more sacred manner. I know I have a long way to go but in the end I hope that my own children grow up strong in their own individual stories strong in their beliefs anchored and aware of their impact on this world. Lisa I love your stories of your own journey in parenting from a shamanic perspective it has helped me in the past four years to look at my own parenting circle I appreciate it.

Lisa F. Tardiff said...

It doesn't mean that because we can have children and it's a "natural phenomenon" -- that it's necessarily something that we naturally know what to do about it... Too many parents feel completely lost and trapped by their own children or because of their own misguided choices. It would be great if we could give our children different options. Those who don't want children should be allowed to do so without being judged about it.... There needs to be a change. We can't keep growing in population. We can still make personal choices. Lets not wait until the government is forced to make decisions for us...