The Sixteen Gateways - Spider (part 2).

SPIDER GATEWAY:

In recent years I’ve often come across people who hesitate to make choices and act on them because they are afraid of conflict or consequences. It was infuriating to watch JP for example literally stand paralyze over initiations dealing with silence and generosity.

How difficult is it to sit still and listen? 

Too many people need to constantly fill “the silences” in a conversation because they are afraid of what they will find or feel within the dead moments.  With living in a community setting for over a decade I learnt fairly quickly how important it was to become confortable with silence alone and with others.  It takes self-awareness and presence to be able to share silence with others and not feel overwhelmed or uneasy.   I’ve always found that you can learn more about someone by listening to them through silence rather then focusing on their words. 

At the convent as I was growing up, the sisters often encouraged periods of silence.  Quite a few students struggled with the idea of “not talking” during the lunch period or even during class. It was always the same pupils who would end up in retention.  Personally I always enjoyed “silence”.  It always allowed me to focus on my thoughts and feelings; and sort them out.  I always understood this “retreat time” as catering to my inner garden.  I saw it as praying; working on myself; and listening or gathering knowledge about the world around me.  As I learnt about the Medicine Wheel, I came to understand this “silent experience” as the Spider gateway.

No doubt the Spider is a lot about FEAR but it’s also about “the garden experience.”  It’s about self-discovery.  What defines us? What challenges us? And how do we react to the World around us? 

It took JP a few years before she finally understood that all she needed to do was to trust and jump; commit to the experience.  When KT started school she came home with math homework one night.  She sat on the couch with her math book on her head. 

We looked at her curiously and asked: “What are you doing?”

She replied: “Waiting for the math to go into my brain.”

We laughed so hard that it actually hurt KT’s feelings at first.  We had to lovingly explain to her that she needed to open the book; dedicate to the learning; and practice some abilities in order to master the math.  She was angry and frustrated at first because she had expected it to be easier and magical.  So many people expect to have everything figured out even before they’ve dedicated to learning and healing.  Too many fears these days about not wanting to look foolish or being inadequate.  We don’t want to be humiliated or embarrassed.  We want for people to be impressed with us even before we’ve earned the experience.

I notice that FEAR is often about a lack of self-esteem, insecurities and a lack of fate.  Fear often comes about when we start trusting the words and experiences of others over our own.  Ironically many of JP’s fears were tied to upbringing or conditioning. 

How many of us believe that “if we can’t trust what our parents, our religion or cultural upbringing have taught us we are lost?”  Too many people believe that their identity depends on what others see in them or expect of them.  So many people cling to conditioning and fear the unknown so much so that they are willing to persecute and destroy it…

When children start screaming at the sight of spiders most parents will rush in with a shoe and squash the insect; teaching their kids that whatever scares them has to be horrible and has to be killed.  I always showed CT and KT how to remove the spider with the help of a sheet of paper and a glass; and free it outside. 

“Get creative” I used to say, “and find ways to explore your fears and move beyond them.”

It seemed important to teach the kids to understand that we are the makers of our fears.  We should take responsibility for our own creations and be careful not to hurt or destroy the innocent.  At camp CT would often get upset when kids or camp coordinators would kill spiders.  It would remind his peers that the humans were the real intruders when out in nature. 

It’s so important to shift perspective when fear takes hold of our lives.  When I was growing up my mother struggled with agoraphobia. She was unable to leave the house and often had panic attacks at the thought of being home alone.  Whenever she found herself in a situation where she couldn’t control the events she would get anxious, aggressive and irrational.  It would be impossible to calm her down and too many times it would shift into a traumatic and dramatic affair.  When I think of the Spider gateway I can’t help but refer to this part of my life. 

My mother’s anxiety disorder had a huge impact on my life.  I believe it affected my sister, my brother and me very differently.   This is one thing I often repeat to my students when we explore the Spider gateway.  What scares one person many not frighten another.  The focus should never be on the SPIDER (fear); but more so on the web (the impact it has on the world) it weaves. 

As a child my paternal grandmother was a huge fan of horror movies.  On Halloween she would dress up as a Dracula and pretend to suck our blood.  My grandmother loved to tell stories; which would scare us.  She talked about alien attacks and possessions; and managed in many instances to make us believe in these horrible stories.  I think most of my childhood fears came from my grandmother.  I look back fondly at these memories because my grandmother was an interesting character and she left a memorable impact. 

I think that fears are part of growing up and even crucial to our upbringing.  It always boils down to how we react to fears and what we do with them.

P.S. There are so many different ways to explore the SPIDER.  I’ve shared a few perspectives; but I’m curious about YOURS.  Take a moment to comment on this blog entry by sharing some of your SPIDER story.